Blog Title: Poker Dog

Burnt out after 30 rolls, 2 months?

I feel a little burnt out

“Take a short break, shoot something a little less intensive,” offered TJ

It’s been about a little more than 2 months, I’ve just began photographing the streets of Singapore–already, I’m a little lost on how to improve my craft. It’s not that I don’t get inspirations, short of things to frame and shoot, but the nature of capturing people in your little black box–is energy sapping–gotta stay on your toes pretty much all the while you’re raising the viewfinder to your eye. To say that I’m dissatisfied with my progress is cutting it a little thin; I’m pissed that I can’t capture something that gives me REAL satisfaction.

I snapped a frame with the Minolta X-300s a few hours ago. After standing in the middle of human traffic and losing inspiration, I sheathed the camera and made my way home.

What do I hope to achieve? Nothing general like: “The greatest piece of Art I’ll ever make.” Making it up as I type this, it’s probably: A series of images that matters most to me. That’s still a little too general. To dig a little deeper, I am committing myself to too many projects–Sugar Daddies and their Chinatown mistress, Seniors in Chinatown, Street Portraits, the youth in town, etc. I need to stick to one and just keep shooting, move on to the next project when I can’t find anything else for the moment; rinse and repeat.

That’s it, that’s what I needed to do for the last 2 weeks. I’ll head out with the Minolta Autocord and burn some 120 film. Start documenting the old people of Chinatown again.

A new scooter

“That piece of scrap metal is 27 years old. Let me buy you a new scooter.”

Thanks Mum, but I’m 30 this year, I think I can buy me a new scooter if I want to.

It’s a nice gesture, I’m really tempted by the offer. Mum thinks that my old Vespa PX200E is dangerous, prone to failures, accidents–poor stopping power and unbalanced. Funny how people think about my Vespa, it’s no longer the beauty it once was partly due to my negligence in maintaining it. It still runs like a Champ–it just won’t die–I love it to bits.

I almost wanted to dump it early this last year, just to begin a new chapter in my life, remove all those memories, but I just couldn’t let her go. Maybe it’s because we bought it together, there are so many great things, happy moments associated with it. Those who know me, also know that I’m no sentimental person, but I just can’t bring myself to look at another bike at the moment.

She was lost, but she came back in May 2007. We were never meant to be apart, that’s what holding me back. There’s nothing that I can’t let go of, but she’s special. No judgement, never giving me that accusatory look, “Have you been riding another scooter?”

Even though I left her in the streets for months without any maintainence, she still rears up and speed across the streets after a few kicks.

She’s faithful and I’m not.

Eventually, she’s going to die, but I can delay that by giving her the proper attention. Maybe we can even grow old together. Travel the world together, once the borders of China opens up to us. We will die in a foreign land–happy together–perhaps.

Sex in Chinatown

Behind where I usually board a bus headed for home. A weird place to have a sex novelty shop–50%? of the population residing in Chinatown is over 50 years of age. Ladies of different nationalities hang around here with the elderly retired male population. Not that it bothers me, I love the raw nature of Chinatown and some seedier parts of Singapore. It makes people watching more interesting.

Life in here–Chinatown–is unpretentious.

First Roll of Kodak Tri-X

God, it’s been 3 months since I’ve been using the Minolta X-300s; I’ve just finished(more or less) scanning and editing my first roll. Gotta shoot more, more, MORE!

Singapore: Little India, spotted a bare-chested man coming towards me. Has a weird demeanor.

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies… We love them all. Taxi-stand is just opposite, but they decided to hail a cab to the side of the main road.

Why so many Ladies from China in Chinatown? Duh. Well, most of them work in seedy areas of Singapore. It fascinates me–I don’t know why, but the cheap perfume, tacky dressing just screams for a picture to be taken.

What prompt me to take this picture is the couple behind. Young woman, middle-age man–old enough to be her father. One from China, another Singapore.

Street lights from cars casting shadows.

Two men and two dogs

That’s all for now.

Christmas Blues

See you guys on Monday.

I kicked opened the door to freedom from my office–Place where I work on footage, Computer-generated images, montage them together–to create realism from raw clips. I armed myself with a Minolta X-300s and a couple rolls of Kodak 400TX(black and white film), stroll through the streets capturing slices of life, hoping to create Art from real Life. This is my life.

It’s 9 PM, too early for home and too late to ask my friends out even though it’s a Friday. Turning my head in the direction of Keong Saik road, I decided that I’ll catch a train, head to Orchard Road and shoot some people having fun in town–with my camera that is–it’s illegal to have firearms in Singapore; and no, I have nothing against happy people.

Assaulted by hundreds of strangers going in the opposite direction of me when I left the station, turning right to the main square, I hear sounds of drums, keyboards, pitchy Japanese voices, Tagalog, Chinese, laughter and Christmas carols blasting from hailers installed on street lamp posts. Even though it’s close to 9:30 PM, the streets of Orchard road was lit by millions of tiny blue light bulbs, dangling from trees, the 3 magi, baby Jesus and angels descending upon us Singaporeans–Tropical madness at it’s best.

Love~~ Love~ Loveeee~~~, Peace, Peace, Peace, Music, Music, Music….

A heavily accented female voice accompanied by Bongo drums, guitar and some tribal pipes sang those simple effective words. Over scores of heads staring at the ground, there were 3 men and a women with dreadlocks–dressed in draw-string woven pants, hundred day beard, shabbily dressed–singing and making merry with an assortment of instruments, some of which I’ve never seen before. Interestingly out of the world with Christmas carols blaring from speakers in the streets, I proceed to snap frames of them on my film.

The streets are filled with happy faces, but most of the pictures contained in my film canisters now are lonely faces. I thought I was supposed to capture some happy people with my camera, but I guess happiness does not interest me. Maybe I’m more in love with being sad, just like the saying: “Happy to be sad”. It’s a failing of mine, I can’t help but think that I’m destined to spend this Christmas alone again.

A quilt sling bag

There weren’t much to capture on my camera, it’s 8:30 PM, I thought I’ll make a fast meal out of the coffeeshop nearby and carry on with my shooting after. The queue for ‘Durian pancake stretches over the sidewalk, obstructing the human traffic trying to get across to the bustop behind me. A pair of frailing hands emerge from the wall of humans, she must be a petite girl trying to fight her way to the bus-stop. A quilt sling bag, a roll of cloth with latent possibilities clasped in her small hand, floral patterned long skirt, grey sleeveless and curly brown hair.

I thought of walking pass her, knowing that she’s probably too absorbed in her thoughts or the floor she’s staring at. Instincts got the better of me and I blocked her way, and she raised her face in recognition. Her face lit up at me–I hope it’s only at me. Soon, we are standing at the side of the walkway, waiting for her bus.

Have you had dinner yet?

“Sort of, I’m pretty full from a late lunch” she said.

What about tea?

She paused for a while as if thinking hard before saying, “Well, I’ll be meeting a friend later in the night.”

The pessimist in me begin to wonder if this friend is a guy. After a year since we broke up, has she finally moved on with someone else, is she happy with him, is there some thing that this guy can offer that I can’t. Before I could complete my train of thoughts and frame the next question, she announced to me: “Alright, my bus is here.”

She took a look at me and as she’s about to turn away; did she hesitate before turning? Was there something that’s stopping her from going home and meeting her friend? I waved goodbye and turned before she could say a thing. Who would she meet late in the night other than some guy who’s staying over in her room, on her bed after 9 PM on a thursday night?

It’s much better to walk away from all these. I walked into the crowd with my camera in my hands, wishing I could take a picture of her everyday–until the breath of life leaves my cold dead body.

Lost in the City

A couple of old men sat on the stairs leading to the train station, dressed up office ladies purchased ice-tea with starchy jelly–out of place in Chinatown, 70 year old cleaner sitting at a coffee-shop sipping coffee–taking a much deserved break, some couple was hanging out of the safety railings watching out for the buses; I’m just strolling along with my camera, trying to capture some essence of the streets–hoping to immortalise these streets in my own way.

Photography teaches one to be observant of their surroundings, while using a wide angle or standard lens teaches one to participate in the atmosphere while staying in the shadows documenting the lives that passes you by. It amazes me that almost no one took notice of my loud 35mm SLR. Most were preoccupied with their other halves, waiting for cabs or buses after working hours. Some elderly just roll along with their cane at a snail’s pace, staring at the floor intently. It’s funny how lonely everyone seemed, even though Singapore is one of the most densely populated country in the world–roughly 6,500 people per square kilometer(16,800 per square mile).

With personal space reduced in a City, one would expect interaction to be something that naturally happens. It’s hard not to notice the number of lonely faces around when you’re photographing until you realised that: You’re one of them.

Photography on the Streets

I spent 4 hours after work–after 7 PM shooting on the streets of Singapore’s Chinatown–walked round and round, looking for something or someone interesting to document. Finally, I decided to station myself near a bus-stop where there’s maximum traffic and started scouting for people to photograph. In all, I took 5 pictures on my 35mm Minolta SLR. It just wasn’t the night for street photography.

I’m tired of hunting down old folks of Chinatown as subjects, it’s a little overdone and I need to distract myself with another project. Street portrait? I’m not ready to approach strangers and ask for permission to shoot their portraits. Buildings? No interest at the moment. As I leaned against the railing running along the bus-stop, I spied 2 Chinese ladies dressed in mini-skirts, low hanging sleeveless and made-up to kill–in Chinatown–where most folks are old enough to be their grandfathers.

Why don’t I document these women of the night? Even though there might be confrontations, but I think it more than spikes my interest a little to warrant a little physical risks from: Pimps, Old time gangsters and ladies with nails that can kill. I should be able to out-run them if anything goes terribly wrong.

The problem is that I work around that area…

Photography: Shut up and Shoot!

I blew SGD$575 on Photographic equipments last month: I feel a little sick to the stomach–I really need to cancel my credit cards. It’s not that I can’t manage my personal finances now that I’ve have a relatively stable job. Still, I’m only just getting out of my credit card debts, starting anew. After the impulsive purchases, I ask myself if I really need a Minolta Autocord, 35mm F/2.8, 50mm F/1.8. Not only for the recent purchases, but I’ve been looking at another lens simply because some random guy on a Photography forum goes: ‘Every serious portrait photographer should have this, this and etc.’ You get the idea, I was trying to rationalise my ‘Gear Acquisition Syndrome’.

Then it dawn upon me that I’ve shot 8 rolls of Black and white film, have another half exposured roll in my Minolta X-300 and done 500 pictures on my Nikon D60(given to me by a friend). I did shoot quite a bit over last month, but this need for more gear cannot go on even though I know I’ll eventually need a 85mm F/1.8 which brings me to–Just pick up whatever camera and go out and shoot something.

I catch myself sometimes browsing the internet, reading reviews about gears when I should be out shooting photographs. In fact, I spend more time in forums than working on my photography–this has to stop. Instead of posting meaningless photos of my chairs, cameras, used towels, telephone–it’s time to go out and bloody shoot.

I’m not going to ban myself from using the internet, but I’m making it a point to shoot at least 6-8 rolls of film, 500-1000 digital photographs a month. Still, I just want everyone to know that it’s no effort at all; I enjoy the process of photography very much; from loading film to exposing them and finally developing them in my 1 square meter bathroom. So, to further challenge myself, I’ve decided to start on a project: Street Portraits of Singaporeans.

I’ll be making it a point to have my camera with me always. In case you’re wondering about why I’m not posting photographs on this website yet–I haven’t found any that I really like.

Busy with new job

I found a new job about a month ago–contract worker rather. It’s not exactly what I have in mind, job description and what I am handling now is quite different. Still, I am just glad to have found a job and have an income. It’s tough juggling a job and still finding time to work on things that I want to do, like: Photography, writing, journaling, traveling, painting, etc.

How do I find time to enrich my life with my passion for all my hobbies? Sad to say, I happen to be a procrastinator and it will take a lot more to lure me out of my laziness. That’s not to say I’m not working on my short-comings, fact is, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want from myself; I’m definitely going take my own pace and not stress myself up–that’s not going to help me have a life worth living. I have to identify my top priorities and work on it.

Top of my list will have to be a stable job. Those who have read Joseph Campbell and other bloggers dealing with GTD, productivity, get rich doing the things that you like, will imagine me taking a step back. That’s partly true, but no one can tell me how to lead my life.

I just want a simple life and have some time to do the things that I love to do. What’s so bad about keeping an 8 to 5 job? It simplifies my life a lot more. I’m not harboring the grandeur of working 2 hours a day and making more money than I can spend–You’re only as rich as you spend.

I’ve seen so much over 5 years of self-employment, suffered for my obstinacy, I’m happy to say that I’m free. Ambition has been a thorn in the side of my neck for the most of my life. Maybe I’m not cut from a strong genetic line, but I tried, and I’m tired for the time being.

Meanwhile, I want to pursue fun things in life.