Caribbean Adventures
 I've had an absolute blast the past couple of weeks, first with Derya in Stockholm and then with a load of poker fish on a Caribbean cruise. I've met some really nice people including some pure comedy characters, played live poker versus some excellent and also shizz players from all over the world, eaten like a member of the royal family and seen some beautiful places.... DAY 1. After popping a few pills and knocking myself out for the long 9hr flight i arrived at Miami airport late afternoon and then took a short taxi ride to the Hilton to meet up with that fish Animal who had just made a few grand playing online Omaha. I wasn't too sure what to make of that fish to start with tbh but after spending most of the trip with him i started to really like the geezer, not in a gay way of course. He's a top bloke, a friendly fish and came across as quite a smart fellow without the ego which kinda gave me a small insight into why he has been pretty successful on the poker tarbs. He's also quite a funny fucker aswell without actually trying to be imo. My only gripe with Animal is his constant snoring, fuck me i've never heard anything like it. One night the mother fucker was even telling me bad beat stories in his sleep, stfu ffs!!! After getting acquainted with da Animal we went down to the bar where we were joined by another poker fish known as Azimut. Azi was a quality bloke, a really friendly fish from geordie land who loves his poker. He had quite a few funny stories, seemed like a pretty popular person and was pure comedy throughout the trip, nice one Az. Right, thats enough of sucking them fishays off... After a couple of sherbets at the bar we managed to blag our way into the Interpoker welcome partay where free munch and booze were being served, weeeee. After a few bevvies the three of us got a cab down to Miami South Beach to meet up with some fish known as Meglito and Scottish Dave aka White Dog, more on those fish later. We ended up in some place called Mango Bar where they had these fit Latino type birds dancing on the bar wearing next to nothing. We brought two full bottles of vodka and i ended up getting quite ball bagged before me, Az and Animal munched in some place called Denys and then crashed back at the hotel, i could tell it was gonna be an interesting trip. DAY 2. I woke up with a slight hangover but it was no biggie as i was excited about getting on the ship. We boarded the Freedom of the Seas at about 1pm and all i remember thinking was wowsay and wishing that i had brought a camcorder to capture my first impressions as me and Animal set about checking the place out. The ship was amazing, its apparently the largest ship in the world and the sheer size and attention to detail was just mind blowing. You really can't get a feel for how grand the ship was unless you experience it for yourself. Here's a quick snap of the monstrosity...
 After abit of mini golf where Animal got lucky we munched in Isaac's where i would eat dinner everyday at the same table with Animal, Azi, TeamDobbs and his family and Soap and his missus. Them fish were both very sound people who i liked and got on well with more and a more as the trip progressed. The service and food in Isaacs is probably the best i have ever experienced. The munch was soooo lush, with steak that just fell off the bone and melted in your mouth, sooo tastay. Infact all the grub throughout the entire ship was delish and it was all free! You could just walk into any place at anytime and order what ever you want completely free of charge. Later that night we attended the CPC welcome party for more free booze and food and i remember meeting a few more faces. There was some geezer i chatted to known as Chopp who has apparently been reading my blog since the start, you sad bastard Chopp lol ;-) I was also introduced to Dubai one of the people who was supposed to be staking me into some of the poker tourns, however Dubai had just done his bollocks and didnt have much $$ on him, sigh. Some of the stories and degenerate things i saw on the trip were quite eye opening actually, pure sickness. For example i remember hearing one stories about a bunch of poker fish having a skimming competition with $100 chips! LOL at lobbing $100 chips out to sea, i mean WTF, pure degeneration. I was planning on playing the $270 satellite into the main event that night but decided against it after discovering it was a rebuy event. Instead i sat at a 10 handed $70 SnGay and who do i see sitting two places to my left but none other than that Finnish 'fish' Juha Helppi lol. I think Juha was sponsored by InterPoker or summat and he boosted about 6th and i got 3rd for $120 after my AA got done by king motherfucking jack and then i had my KK booosted by AK by the same fooking KJ playing donk, fml! After that shizz i played some $1/2 and ended the sesh with a small $50 win so a 100 buck profit for the night, weeee lol.  DAY 3. The weather was pretty shit the majority of the time whilst we were cruising which was my only real gripe about the trip combined with the fact that there weren't too many attractive young birds on the ship just families, couples and old grannays and even i wouldn't stoop that low. I ended up paying a visit to the gym which was fucking huge and had everything you could ever ask for in a gym, even a full sized Everlast boxing ring! I munched with Animal in JonnyRockets in the afternoon which was pure com and then Isaacs in the evening for a formal dinner. The photo is actually a snap of me just before my dins dins and not some google image of Leonardo Dicaprio in the film Titanic btw. After dinner more poker and i decided fuck it who gives a shizz about staking and decided to buy direct into my biggest buyin poker tournament of my little gay life to date, a $440 freezeout which attracted 97 fishays. On reflection i think my starting table was very strong and included a mix of nationalitays. We had a couple of Brits who were both shit aswell as some ultra tight French fish although other than that everyone else at the tarb was pretty strong imo and included a Dane (RedShark) who was the younger brother of double bracelet winner Jesper Hougaard who was also at the CPC, a comedy Swedish fish who didn't stop raising, a strong Canadian to my immediate left and a tough Romanian geezer. My table was also later joined by a decentish bird from Estonia and some redic aggro fish from Sweden obv. Let me bore you with some key hands from my tourn..... I had already taken one small pot off the Romanian fish and then ended up in another pot with him when i opened with 98 and he called out of the blinds. The flop was really dry something like K73 rainbow and he checked to me, i sensed that he was gonna check raise repping a king knowing that it was unlikely i had one or at least cold call a C bet on the flop so i elected to check behind and mug him off on the turn. The turn was a blank and my new Romanian bezza led into the pot and i raised the muthalicker. This is a play i often make on bords like this whether i hit tp or not to keep the pot small. Its difficult for oppo to just cold call imo because it appears like i have a super strong hand having raised pre, checked a dry flop like that and then raised his turn bet. I dunno, maybe my thinking sucks and you think im a donk but he folded after a small tank and i dragged the pot with 9hi. A few hands later i limp called a small raise from Canada with Jc10c and saw a monster flop of K97 with 2 clubs giving me a bellaybooster and a floosh draw. I check called his flop bet and then check raised his turn bet when i made a pair of 10's and he called, gulp. At this point i had him on AK but i had about half the deck to hit. The pot had really swelled and i needed to hit bigtime. The river was the king of clubs pairing the board but giving me the floosh and for some stupid gay reason i checked even thou i was confident i had the best hand, doh. I showed my rivered floosh and he angerily mooked his cards. We discussed the pot a few hands later and he told me he had AA which makes sense and that he wouldn't have called any river bet which made me feel abit better so no harm done and i was off to a great start. The next key hand that came up was probably my most favourite of the trip. I opened in mp with 88 and my Romanian buddy called in pos. The flop came 872 rainbow and i checked raised and Romania called. The turn was a 4 and i knew Romania was getting pissed off with me so i bet really weak and it got the desired effect when Romania raised. The pot was huge and i decided to just blast all over him. The fish gave me some proper evils and tanked for a good few minutes before eventually mucking, i think he had summat like 1010. With the blinds at 50/100 i had 12.5k and was probably CL and fucking flying until i decided to shizz off half my stack...
The redic aggro Scanday fish had been at my tarb for a few hands with a healthy 8k stack which was more than plenty at the time. With blinds at 100/200 he made it 550 in mp and i poomped it up to 2k in the sb with AQ and he called, gulp. I should have check folded a raggy bord in hindsight as this Swedish fish was no mug but i instead fired out 3k and the bastard moved all in. No decision for me and i mooked with a dented stack and confidence. In hindsight he must have smoothed my 3 bet with aces or summat, who knows? After that the Swede was raising practically every hand, it was difficult for anyone to get a look in and i barely won a pot. I think i won a small pot with the boolets before the table broke and then blinded away aswell as losing a few pots here and there before finding myself with around 15bb's. My new table was again pretty tough imo and i was looking for a spot to get my dosh in before i lost all FE. There was another scanday fish was again was constantly open raising and just generally probing away with a smallish stack not much bigger than mine. I watched him carefully and he made a small preflop bet in mp and i knew he wasn't strong so i shipped the lot in with Q7o and he quickly folded. A few rounds later and i ran 88 into 1010 and it looked like i was doomed, until i spiked the lovely 8 on the riveeeeeeee!
After them luck boxing skillz i won a few small pots here and there chipping up before i grew some massive bollocks in a hand where i went with my gut instinct. I can't remember the blind sizes but i opened with KQ in the hijack and the button 3 bet me. I tanked for a while before shipping my stack in on a hunch that i could get this 3 betting fish to fold. He tanked for about 3-4 minutes so i guess my read wasn't that great and he did have a genuine decision in a pot which would have crippled him had he been wrong. He eventually folded and im guessing he had a hand like 1010, JJ or AQ or something in that range that usually doesnt play that great versus my 4 betting allin range unless im donking with KQ ofc :-) After that genius/gutsy/stupid move i can't remember what happened although i entered the final two tarbs low on chips. I got blinded to obliv until i found myself allin with to 11 players left. I was in the bb with about 7-8 bb's, there was no sb and it folds around to Azimut on the button who says sry Simon but i have to raise. Im like lol, np m8 i might have to call. He raises but not enough to raise me allin but enough where he would have to commit to calling an allin from me with any two. With this in mind i stupidly look down at Kc10c and figure thats more than enough and annonce call and flip my cards face up, doh. Floor manager says i will have to sit out the next 6 hands away from table as a penalty. I ask if i can move the rest of my chips allin dark because im so committed and he says thats fine. I move my last few grand in and the board comes A93 with 2 clubs. Azi announces call and flips 98o for the best hand but we are obv about 50/50 at this point. I turn the flush and cripple Azi who busts next hand. After 4 hands sitting out there was a button vrs blind confrontation with JJ v AA and i survive the dreaded bubble and make the final tarb which was scheduled for the next day. Day 4. Started off with a lush breakkie at the Windjammer where we would munch every morning for the rest of the trip. It was a breakfast buffet packed full of everything you could ask for and all free ofc. I actually sat and had breakfast with Animal and ex professional footballer turned pro poker fish Tony Cascarino that morn which was abit random. Whilst eating I couldnt remember whether Cascarino had ever scored against my mighty hammers or not if he has i would have thrown prolly lobbed one of my sausages at his head. We had some good sunshine that day and caught some rays by the pool before docking at our first port of call Puerto Rico mid afternoon. Me, Animal, Azi, White Dog and Meglito got a taxi down to the beach although the latter two fish headed straight for a bar whereas the rest of us chilled on the beach whilst the sun went down which was kinda cool.   After the beach the three of us had a walk around the town etc and then stopped by some place for cocktails where i bumped in my Romanian friend from the night before. He told me had 1010 in the hand where i had three eights and asked if i had a set. I should have bloofed him just to piss him off lol but i told him and we discussed a few other hands and he wished my goodluck for my final tarb later that night.... I had to sit out the first two hands as i had only served 4 hands of my penalty for exposing my K10 in the hand versus Az. I entered the FT as the short stacked and lasted about 30 mins before getting shafted. I moved in for about 11-12 bb's with KK and the next shortish stack called flipping 1010. Flop J9x, turn 9, river...............10 piougfyutfrghjoikjoiuytird PUKE! Fucking sick! Had my KK held i would have been about chip av, i was abs gutted, hurts soo much more live. I received $1130 for 9th with $12.8k ftw, fuck my fucking life! Oh well, it was a great experience i was happy with the way i played and i've deffo got the taste for more live pokes, such a buzz! Once i busted that pissed up fish Animal arranged a $70 SnGay with me, him, Soap, Azimut, TeamDobb, Chopp and Beerdonk and Kurt who where staying next door to me and Animal aswell as some random fish from Norway. The SnG was pure and utter comeday and Animal was on top form, really funny. I think there was about 7 left and i still had my starting stack and got involved in some table banter with Beerdonk who was sat to my immediate left. It folded to me in the sb and i looked down at KK and gave a small speech to Beerdonk before limping into his bb. I knew the fish would blast and he didnt let me down when he shipped in 1.2k with blinds at 100/200 with Q6 lol. I should have slow rolled the muthalicker although its a good job i didnt as he ended up making a fucking 8hi str8, sigh. I was left with fuck all in chips and boosted a few hands later, i run sooo fucking bad! DAY 5. We arrived at St Thomas early doors and this for me was prolly the best i felt all holiday. Me, Animal, Azi and Meglito went to Coki beach for the day to some remote beach with white sands and sky blue seas, soo nice. I went snorkelling which was kinda cool surrounding myself with hundreds of tropical fish. I had some sort of dog biscuit thing to feed them with and they basically ate the stuff out of your hand, one of the bastards even bit me. I also went Parasailing with Meglito later in the day which was abit of an adrenaline rush. I spent most of the day chilling and drinking insanely strong drinks brought by Meglito. He was a proper action junkie that fish who always wanted to be doing something other than just relaxing. The fish also brought some ganja off the local rusta's lol and we ended up puffing away on some of that super stong smelly green shit. I think i grabbed an early night that night as i was abit fooked, top day!   DAY 6. I spent much of day 6 in St Maarten chilling on Orient beach with Animal, Az, Beerdonk and Kurt. Another lush day chilling on some gorgeous beach sinking Carib bottles of beers which went down soo well. I got this hat made up for me my some geezer who called himself Reality, check out the snaps lol...       Later in the evening i played the $550 freeze after being staked by Flushy on a 70-30 split after stakeback. I didnt get goin at all in this event which was annoying as my starting table was so weak in comparison to the $440 a few days ago. I was getting dealt abs shizz just utter unplayable crap and eventually boosted shoving J10 soootayed in the blinds into a button raisers AK. I flopped a jack and a floosh draw on a king high board but bricked the turn and river, sigh. I not sure im happy about the way i donked out of that tourn tbh i think i could have waited but i was getting abit pissed off, abit shit from me really. Infact i dont think i feel completely comfortable with being staked tbh, summat i need to sort out quickly as top UK mtt fish Gregior is staking me into the 2 million gtd $640 buyin tourn on PP this weekend on a 50/50 deal, one fucking time! DAY 7. Didn't do too much during the day as the main event was going on so most fish were playing that and a $2.7k buyin is too expensive for alittle mincey fish like me, well done to Soapstar who got 7th for 11 dimes, mbsfn! I went to the gym for abit, pissed about online and then taught Animal a lesson on the Ping Pong tarble after he boosted the ME, ship the $10 :-) In the evening me and Animal chilled in Beerdonks and Kurts room for a few hrs drinking their booze before heading to the poker room. I was pretty ball bagged that night and remember White Dog trying to start a fight me me lol. I couldn't make that fish out tbh and was never sure if he was serious or having a laugh. He was a funny bloke but also a really angry fucker who got into numerous confrontation during the trip, he reminded me of a pitbull chewing a wasp, an interesting character. In my drunken state i decided to sit at a $1/2 uncapped short handed nlh cash game with about $400 and boosted the lot in two comedy hands. First hand the fish to my right opened to $7 and i made in $25 in pos with 69 of demons and the fish called. Flop came AJx and it went check check. The turn was a nine and again the fish checked i bet about $50 odd into a $60ish pot and the fish called. The river was a king and again the fish checked and i bloofed $150 and the fucker called with A2. I wondered if he had soul read me because he can only beat a bluff in that spot. However, i chatted with the fish in the casino bar the next night and asked him why he called and his response was pure lol and confirmed he was a donk, he made no sense. I also asked him how he was doing on the trip to which he responded errr im stuck about $6-7k, no shit sherlock, you fucking suck massive cock! I boosted the rest of my money off with AQ when i limped in the sb because i knew the bb would raise. He made it $7 and i repopped his ass quite big. I actually put him on a big pr when he cold called tbh but decided to go broke in my drunken state when the flop came QJ10. Turns out the bastard had called my limp huge re-raise pre and then my massive flop over bet with 109o, 8 on the river for the str8 of fooking course, ojhkyfrdf. No more poker for me on the trip and i ended up with a tiny $300 profit. Quick snap of me pissed up and slighty sunburnt on the tarbs. A2 donk on my left and 109o prick on my right btw, pair of cunts!  Day 8. Minced by the pool a fair bit recovering from a hangover and didnt plan on doing too much on the last day but ended up getting semi bagged at the Casino Bar in the evening with Animal and Denlizliz who was quite a funny fucker and UltGamb who destroys the mtt's on Cryto. Played alittle bit on the slot machines spunking off a few bucks although not as much as Animal who pumped in $800 lol. Time to go home tomorrow, sigh. Day 9. We had to be off the ship early doors although our flight wasn't until 8pm so me Animal and Az booked into the Miami airport Hilton next to the Blue Lagoon and soaked up a few last rays of sunshine by the pool. Again i knocked myself out with some pills for the fight and got home Monday morn. It was a really good trip and easily one of the better holidays i have been on. Like i said in my intro i've met some really nice people and hopefully and i can get on more of these kinda trips in the future. Cheers to Animal for the invite, laters. [ ] Its good to be home
Sigh, proper sucks cock being back in Watford, weather is fucking shizz aswell. Had a wicked trip, met some nice people including some real comedy characters, ate like a king, saw some beautiful places and almost had the biggest poker win of life. Pic of me chilling on Coki beach, love it! Full report to follow when i can be bovved, laters fishays. StockholmBefore i got fucking robbed by that bastard Jesus Roque (see prev post) i spent five really good days and nights in Stockholm. I had an absolute blast with Derya, the girl i met in Watford about five months ago, shes got a great personality, looks gorge imo plus it was nice to do some sightseeing in the capital citay of Sweden....
After abit of a mission getting there in a journay that included taxis, trains a two hr flight and an 80 min bus ride i met my Swedish twinkay at the Central Stockholm terminal at about 2pm on Thursday. It was great to see her again, she looked stunning waiting for me at the station. After a little kiss and a cuddle, awww, she guided me to my hotel room. We had to get the underground to a place called Aspudden which i used alot whilst i was out there and it was much cleaner than our London Undergound. Snap of me with some weird statue of a Penguin at Aspudden that i passed at least twice a day, i liked that thing for some strange reason, im gonna miss the little fellow.
 My room was perfect and after a little mince we went out into town for a walk around and some munch. Stockholm was fucking freezing on the first night, my knob had shrivelled upto about a mere 6 inches plus i think i ingested my whole ball bag that night, ice ice cold. We ate in a TGI Friday place or whatever they are called and i ended up chewing on some dirtay grub that reminded me of the food served out in Vegas, caked in fat, looovelay. After the food we basically just chatted shizz and walked about town in and out of the shops and stuff. There are loadsa places to eat and shop in Central Stockholm and the place reminded me abit of London tbh. Here's a few pics of a couple of the things i saw that night. Some glass waterful thingeemajig and a building that changes colour according to the mood of the Swedish peeps who vote online or summat.  
Ended up having a early night because i was fooooked after travel and lack of kip but i woke up early doors on Friday and had a lush breakfast at the hotel then pissed about with abit of online pokes before Derya came round about midday. We spent most of the afternoon rumping which was rather pleasant then had a Chinese at some place in Central before having a swift one in some horrible Irish bar before sinking some redic expensive drinks in some cool Swedish place. Swedish bars are quite mellow and they play the most shizz music i have ever heard, there are no lyrics just a few beats, really really tez.
Derya spent the night with me at my hotel for a night of Amatay passion and we pretty much spent much on Saturday roooomping in the sack aswell, good times :-) On Saturday afternoon/night we went to Gamla Stan (Old Town) for food and beers galore. We sat down by the sea in Temple Bar which was a tourist kinda place where i managed to watch the Hammers get stuffed by the toffee men. We then had a drinkay poo's in some other decent bar before going to some swedish club called Pans half cut. Pans really baffled me tbh, i just didnt get it. Swedish fish have got strange taste. It was like a really shizz Weatherspoon with the most redic shit music. After that we went back to the hotel semi ball bagged for more 'animal' sex which was nice lol. Derya was busy on Sunday so i didnt see her after some morning rumpage and decided instead to venture to the local casino after sleeping off my hangover.
I sat down which a bunch of Swede fishays at a 20/20 kronor game and brought in for 2k which is about £170. I ended the night with 2,635 Krons, ship the £50 prof! At my highest point i had about 3.5k but played a really spewy pot with 65h. I won some nice pots with 85h, 75 of demons, a set of ducklings and AK. It was a good experience and a result that i didnt go broke as i only had about 3k with me.
On the Monday i spent much of the day walking around Gamla Stan and central taking snaps of different shizz. It was a really nice day tbh, here are a few pics...
Me riding some bird...
 Shizz Swedish nightclub Pans
 Gamla Stan...
 I love this pic of Derya for some reason. Her barnets all fucked in the wind plus i caught her off guard but i sort of like her kinda retro dont give a shit style in this pic or summat, i dunno? No pics really no her justice though. She has got beautiful eyes, gorge lips and a cracking ass....
I got loadsa snaps of buildings and stuff but i'll spare you fish plus i can't be bovved as this post is taking fucking ages.
After a lengthy mince around town we went back to my room to say goodbye ;-) and then went to the cinema to watch Saw V. I was pleasantly surprised tbh and its def alot better than the previous two saw films. It was sad to say goodbye to Derya, i had a cracking time with her and she is alot of fun, im gonna miss her :-( She says that she is coming back to Watford in April next year, who knows. Next stop the Caribbean, i leave in about 5 hrs, please let me get there and back in one piece and ship something huuuuge one mother fucking time!!!! Laters fish. I Feel So NumbJust got back from Stockholm and i had a great time and will write an entry about my exploits etc in another post but i am feeling fucking sick atm because I have just found out that one of my bank accounts has been pretty much cleaned out to the sum of £5,500. I mean its not like anyone has died or anything but i feel soooo fucking sick right now, just numb, shell shocked, i wanna puke... When i arrived at Watford Junction from Stanstead i went to the hole in the wall to get out a score and i knew i was in the shit when the computer told me i only had a few hundred in there. My heart quickly sank and i immediately raced over to the bank across the road to get a full statement. To my disbelief three of what i would consider to be large fuck off withdrawals were made on the 10th and 11th Nov by some wanker called Jesus Roque using telephone/online banking. Somehow this mother fucker has got my bank details and probably decided to go out and have a few beers courtesy of Amatay. CUNT!!!!! Just spent about 30 mins in the bank chatting to the fraud peeps and it will be at least 2 weeks before i hear anything. After 'sorting' all that shizz out i became concerned about my other bank account where i have alot more dough aswell as other online accounts like MoneyBookers and Neteller and also numerous poker accounts. Thankfully everything else seems ok and no other accounts have been compromised. Anyways, i have no fucking money right now because all my other dosh is kinda tied up and im meant to be going to the Caribbean on Saturday, plus i have a million direct debits to the account thats been done over that need sorting, i need to come up with a plan quickly, fuck my life! Excited and Nervous
Off on my travels again in about 24 hrs and i am looking forward to it big time. I am also abit nervous aswell as i hate traveling plus i'll be out of my comfort zone and im not sure what to expect, but its all good. Still aint packed yet or worked out how im gonna get to Stanstead tomo, better sort it out early doors lol. It will be good to see Derya again, she's lovely plus it will be nice to see parts Stockholm. I stay in Stockholm for 5 nights then im back in England for about 4 days then off on my Caribbean adventures. I was looking at the cruise ship yesterday and it looks the bollocks, check it. It looks amazing and i can't wait. Its probably gonna be an expensive trip but fuck it, who cares. Not played much poker so far this month and its unlikely that im gonna make any profit at all in November tbh mainly because of a lack of volume. I have played a few of those 45 man things on ftp and made a few hundred bucks but shizzed most of that off in a few tourns on Paradise Poker getting unlucky in some key hands in a 10 euro rebuy on consecutive nights. I've also decided to buy 15% of Kenn for $450 in about 6 or 7 of those FTOPS games plus the ECOOP ME that he is playing in this month, make me some money pls fish :-) Football still going well and we won our 3rd game on the spin tonight. Upto 81st on the P5's UK rankings but no doubt ill drop because of a lack of play. Buzzing atm, hopefully everything goes well and i survive the trips, laters. Steady October Not been in the best of moods this week tbh, just feeling very stale and very blahhh, my trips to Stockholm and the Caribbean next week have come at a good time as im going 'insane' and can't fucking wait to get outta shitty Watford. Im feeling ok as i write this shit atm thou :-) The poker has been ok aswell with a steady 2 nd month of donking my way through the low-mid mtt's with a few decentish results..... I've had quite a few close runs since my last post which pretty much sums up my month really. I busted 15th in both the $25 and $50 deepstack games on ipoker, i got deep in a $30r on ftp but lost a key flip and also busted in the same position itm on consecutive nights in the trusty $5r on pp with pock bitches vrs 1010 and then AQ, fml. I also randomly played in a SH $5r tourn on FTP last night and i know it sounds abit gay but i felt really focused and in control of every hand i played. I had such a good feel and read on my opponents it was sick lol. It was probably partly because i was only playing one tarb whilst playin ISS Pro Evo of course lol. Bit gutted to bust 14/622 in that one after open shoving 10 bb's with KJdd and getting called by 33. Obv i flop tp and a floosh draw and the muthlicker dings a 3c on the river, hlkufkjyhjiygkjgh. Still i weren't too booved tbh as i actually received a compliment from my mate Adam who was spying on me about the way i played and compliments about my poker skillz from that donkay i like golddooost. No doubt you learnt summat that night aye fishay ;-) My best recent result came a couple of nights ago when i finned 3/137 in the $30r on Partay for $1.1k. The fish who won it had less than one, i repeat ONE bb when we were 4 handed!! Tonight i just pissed about in a few tourns and then played three of those $26 45 man games on FTP getting a 1st and a 2nd which means i end the month with a $6.1k profit which i am happy about.
Managed to get my ass in the gym twice this week but it was really tough going although the second time was alot better. Also had a good footy match on Tues losing 4-0 at HT but winning 5-4 lol. I scored two and made two with some of the old Amadiniho magic starting to return me thinks. Like i said at the beginning of the post i've been feeling like utter shizz this week and that is mainly due to my shocking sleeping pattern atm. I woke up at 7pm today and its now 6am as i write this crap lol. Im gonna try and stay up all night and day and try and sort myself out as its redic right now. As a result i've been soo fucking bord aswell because when im wide awake and buzzing like now every normal person is fast asleep. I've been wanking like a trooper just to cure the boredom tbh. Sometimes i dont even really wanna toss myself off but i do it thru boredom. My mate Mizon directed me to a site called www.tube8.com ( Simms new homepage) which has helped carry me through. Been wanking sooo much that i keep running out of socks as i cant be bovved to get any tissue from the toilet, i need to get me some of those wank wipes, maybe santa will sort me out this chrimbo if im a good boy. Errr, I think thats everything, upto 84 th in the P5's ranking, hopefully i can keep my eyes open today, laters. Can't Be Bovved atm
Not really been in the mood for online poker the last few days, i can't be bovved with it and i've hardly played. On Friday i got semi ball bagged with a few chums first in Rilays, then Walks and then Jongs. Rilays ended up being very gay as the five of us played these four random fish in a £5 SnGay. I think the only reason we all played was because one of the random fish was a bird with real nice boobs, well it was my only reason for participating anyways. After about 2 minutes of play though i realised that we had all made a very bad decision as not only was the big boobayed bird a complete mug and a complete turn off once she had opened her gobby little mouth her mate Yoshi was such an A+ CUNT! What sort of a fucking name is Yoshi anyways?? Arrrgghhhh words cannot describe what a complete tosser this geezer was. I decided to call off my stack with 96o to Adam's Ak just to get outta there. Walks and Jongs was ok, nothing special. I met up with Tara and chewed her face off alittle bit and she wants to go out for drinks etc this week. I can't be bovved with her thou, she is well worth a rump and i know its in the bag but i think she's looking for more than just a slide down Amatay's poll tbh. I don't really wanna get involved as she is bezza's with my sister plus my family know her family etc.
Slept and nursed a hangover on Sat and went down the pub to watch the football on Sun. Them motherfuckers Chelsea cost me almost $1k in sports bets by losing to them scouse bastards as i had correctly predicted all of Sundays other results, grrrr. Regged up aload of mtt's tonight but unregged from most of them after about 2 hrs as i werent feeling it at all. Think i played 6 tourns in total and bust everything except for some minuscule cash and a redic bust out near the money in another when i decided to check raise my whole stack with 1010 on a king high bord on the turn after i had raise pre UTG and bet the flop and been called. There was a floosh draw out, pfffff, these fuckers never fold, wp Jones.
Managed to get my lazy ass in the gym today, it was the first time in a month and i felt really sluggish, it was horrible. I have been on a few little runs and been playing football once a week but i still felt like shizz, going again tomo i think. Shit post, not much to say really, abit blahhh. Im upto 86th in the P5's rankings and looking forward to goin to Stockholm and the Caribbean next month, laters fish. Growing a Pair of Bollocks?? Only a medium sized pair of bollocks imo and although its early doors the last two days have seen me up the stakes alittle and play abit higher than i have been previously. I haven't run that great and the standard is definitely abit better but i did manage one decentish result tonight...
On Tuesday i played in my most enjoyable game of 5 a-side football for time, teaching the current league leaders a lesson. We pretty much had our best poss team out and it was a good crack, looking forward to it next week. I weren't really in the mood for poker after that although i did play 3 tourns i think costing $100 in total and got nowhere in all of them. On Wednesday i decided fuck it stop being a faggot Jones and lets play a few higher buyin so i played in most of my usual gay MTT's aswell as the $30r on both ipoker and Partay and the $20k gtd $109 on PP. I got royally butt fooked in pretty much everything busting 25/189 in the $20k and got severely ass raped when i had a good stack in the $30r on ipoker but the same motherfucking fish shat on me three times in a row. Arrrghhh, it was sooo annoying, it was like he singled me out for weakness or summat. I think the first hand was a race then he shoved allin over my AK open raise with Q10 and got there and then the little muthalicker 3bet me again with A9, i had KK, ace on the riv, gg, wp, CUNT! I had a good stack on the $30r on pp aswell but had a rush of blood to my head and 4 bet allin with J9 in the CO and the sb snapped we off with AK. Oh well, at least i have the bottle to do that sort of shit before just a shame my reading abilitay sucks cock innit. I did manage a tiny cash in the $30 deepstack and a 5/251 in the $7r for some shizz amount which saw me finish the night stuck about $150. I did however fair much better in the $30r on pp tonight... The $30r was my last hope this evening as i had busted everything including $26 and $75 buck buyin games on FTP which i may play on a more reg basis. I sucked out once with about 12 left when i shoved UTG with the trusty J2 soootayed and got their versus 88 and then just picked my spots at the final tarb. I managed to get myself HU versus some fish and ground him down twice once getting him allin with JJ v A3 and he got there. I eventually boosted with A8 V Q2, fml. No complaints i guess as you need alot of luck to win these things and i had that with the mightay J2 but still pissed off to have close sooo close especially as i crushed the bastard HU for about 20 minutes. Oh well, i got $1,866 for my troubles and monthly profit is upto $5,350. Also just squeezed into the top 100 of the P5's UK rankings this week at 98 although i reckon tonights result will see me move up at least five more places. Gonna take a few days off now, laters. Bust Outs & Sweden
After taking down that 55 doll deepstack MTT on Friday i ended up staying awake all fucking night and then went shopping at Tesco's at about seven in the morn lol. I brought a shit load of munch and drink and then decided to play a $10r whilst watching soccer am. I had the most redic bust out, there was a few limpers and in my slightly sleepay state i was like fuck it and just blasted about 30+ bb's with AK. To my amazement i got snap called by some donk behind me with 67 and one of the limpers also snapped me off without a moments thought for his whole stack with 55. The flop came 577 and i just laughed. What goes through these peoples mind??? Where the fuck do they come from??? Whats the point of even playing this tournament?? I simply do not understand. I've said it previously but my mind boogles it really does lol.
I fell asleep shortly after that bullshizz but woke up just in time to play in an special invite only freeroll for media people on pp. Simon Young gave me the invitation what with me being a media mogul these days although i wished he hadn't bothered tbh. The tourn was surperb value with 126 runners and $2.8k ftw. I took two beats which prob cost me a shot at first spot. I lost with AK v A10 in the mid stages and then bust in 24 th when my AJ was no good against K8.
On Sunday i played 15 tourns and busted out all over the shop. I got one cash in a shitty $7r but also managed a 3/70 in a 100 buck game on pp for $840. However, this game was part of a small stake deal with some fish on RTR so i had to give up 50% of my profit, shiiiip the break even day.
Today, i planned to get up early doors, go to the gym and then play an afternoon session. Well, i managed to crawl out of bed at 11am. However, i looked outside and it was cold and horrible and i thought to myself, you know what Jones why don't you treat yourself to a few more hours shut eye looooool. No jokes that is exactly what i said to myself, so i switched the heating on and snuggled up in bed for another 4 hrs of kip, im such a lazy bastard. After finally crawling out of my wank pit i did go for a really good run before settling down for more torment at the tarbles. I only played in 6 tourns tonight and at one stage i think i was chip leader in 3 of those but i got butt fucked in some key spots. To start with i ran like god, picking up monster after monster, hitting sets and getting paid although that all changed when it mattered most. I bubbled the deepstack $55, 21/150 when my AJ lost to A8, fml. I final tarbed the $25 deepstack and got it in for a huge CL with 1010 on a 5 high flop but some mystic motherfucker must have seen into the future and decided to call off with KQ and ding the king on the turn to bust me in 9th, soooo sik. I also cashed in the $33 deepstack, 28/269 aswell as the trusty $5r on pp but busted 42/540 in a massive pot with AQ v K10 v 99. I manged to flop the queen but an ugly neuf popped on the turn. I also cashed in another $33 this time on pp busting 12/220 when some serial raising motherfucker raised and i decided to jam with J8h confident that he would fold. Obviously the muthalicker snaps me off with 2 fucking 2 for about 80% of his stack and i bust, soooo bad. So, it ended up being a night of near misses, on another night i could have made the top few spots in maybe three or even four tourns but it wasnt to be, sigh.
Also today i rather spontaneously booked a 4 night trip to Sweden about 5 days before i jet out to the Caribbean, its a hard life. Im gonna to visit Derya the Turkish girl i wrote about in this post. Click the link, i think you'll find its some of my finest work. I have kept in touch with Derya ever since via msn and skype, she's a lovely girl and we get on great. She has kept bugging me to go visit so i was like fuck it, i got a free spot in my diary and it would be much more exciting than sitting in my spooonk stained boxers and busting all day long. The plan for the next two weeks is to just play poker, hopefully make a few grand and keep exercising before i set off on my travels, should be fun, laters. Just Shipped The $55 Deepstack on Ipoker
Weeeeeeeeeee, such a good buzz when you take down a tourn, love it! There were 167 runners in total and 1st got me a much needed $2,255. That makes up for the disappointment of busting 9th in the same tourn a few days ago when my pock biatches got done by ace jark. I played in 10 mtt's in total tonight but most of my focus was on this specific tourn from an early stage so much so that i accidentally misclicked all in in a $10r for 35 bb's and busted in 27th, i really must stop doing that ffs. I played almost flawless poker in the $55 tonight imo, get the fuck in there!! A great start to my quest to get a UK Pocket Five ranking. I also got deepish (40/700+) in the $5r again but boosted shoving about 8bb's with K5 which didn't improve vrs AJ. Its always a bastard when you get called and bust in those positions with garbage as you always kinda wish you had waited maybe one more hand or one more orbit for a better spot. Its all hindsight thou and im confident that i made the correct play, its partly the reason why i have been so much more successful in mtt's recently, actually it is probably the main reason. I don't give a shit if i bust anymore, i've lost the fear factor plus i understand the concepts of fold equity and other shizz a whole lot more than i previuosly did. Profit for the month is about $4.2k atm, which ideally i wanna try and double before the end of the month, laters :-) Pocket Five Ranking
Been struggling to get a decent score under my belt this week. In total i think i have played 31 tourns costing about $1k overall. I've cashed nine times, made four final tarbs and had three or four boobles or near boobles making a profit of about $550 which is poop. My schedule includes $5, $7 and $10 reeebuys aswell as $15, $25x2, $33x2 and $55 freezays on both Cardoza and Party costing about $300 depending on rebuys. Its a faggot little routine aint it lol, buts its been good to me so far and i have been enjoying it. My final tarbs have included a gay 8/78 in the $10r for $96, wooot and a frustrating 5/256 in the $7r for $320 on Monday. On Tuesday i got a 5/604 for $510 in the trusty $5r and a bastard 9/144 for $225 in a $55. Wednesday was a complete non starter and tonight i returned home after a few beers to final tarb some crappy $15 freeze out 7/293 for $173.
I ran stupidly good in the $5r and must have sucked out at least four times in that tourn although it was pretty standard stuff imo. However, apart from that result I have suffered quite a few beats/cold decks on the final tarbs of my other games the worst being when my QQ got fucked over by AJ for a decent chip lead on the FT of the $55 although again it was pretty standard stuff. AQ has also bust me out of alot of tourns this week, it can sometimes be abit of a bastard hand to play and when called it is usually dominated. I can't decide whether i have just been unlucky to be shoving into AK or big pairs of whether i am slightly overplaying it. The old cash game nit Amatay would probably suggest that i am overplaying AQ and indeed maybe some other hands aswell. However, the new and dare i say it improved donakment fish Amatay would perhaps suggest that i have been unlucky in certain spots and been dealt some cooler situations. I think i need to evaluate a few things and have a think tbh. Bit of a shit post so far, sorry fans. I've actually just deleted a whole load of bollocks about hands and other crap as it bores the shit out of me when reading other blogs.
I can feel myself struggling a wee bit just recently in terms of motivation so i have decided to join Pocket Fives and try and get myself a ranking as an added incentive. I really need to up the stakes and volume abit if i am to achieve anything hopefully i can. I mean im massively over rolled for the games i play its just in my nature to play low ish risk games. Its always been a problem if you can call it that and it really pisses me off sometimes but i just struggle to play outside my comfort zones. I've said it before in this blog, everyone has their gulp limit and im no different, its all relative a suppose, blahhhhh. My inital target will be to break into the UK's top 100 fishays and then reassess after that, watch out Moorman! Got a few things i need to try and sort out in the next few days. Its just the usual fucked up sleeping pattern shizz and not going to the gym for almost a month so i'll spare you the details, goodnight fish. Your Blogging Messiah lol
For those of you that missed it then here is proof that your blogging 'hero' did indeed make a guest star appearance on SkyPoker's The Club last week. Since the show my life has been turned upside down, i don't think shopping at Tesco's will ever be the same and tbh the constant hounding from the world's paparazzi is already starting to take its toll. Hits on Amatay's Blog have also soared since the show rocketing from about an average of 270 odd to a huuuge 330 hits a day!! Furthermore, i have also been inundated with requests from my adoring females fans since the show first aired on Thursday. Simms, can you please tell your mom to stop sending me emails, i know she's keen but my inbox can't handle it. I was also surprised to receive this picture from Platonic's current girlfriend posing with some of her friends or Amatay groupays as i now like to call them... 
Now, i know that Platonic is probably my number one fan and bezza but after i'd knocked back about 15 pints of Stella earlier that night i was like fuck it, so i gave Mrs Platonic a bell and arranged to meet. Here's a small pic of me and Mrs Plat a few hours later, sorry mate....
Oh dear, oh dear, i am sooo sooooo very sad, how the fuck did i get invited to appear on SkyPoker anyways looool. Having watched the show i think i looked ok tbh and didn't mug myself off too much apart from when Dan Lobb asked me if the the blog was evolving and i stuttered for about 5 looooong seconds. I mean what sort of stupid fucking question is that anyways, is the blog evolving? I guess if it refers to posting pics of me and Mrs Platonic rumping then yes Mr Lobb, my blog seems to be evolving quite rapidly.
Onto other Amatay news now and i had a random and somewhat eventful night out on the lash on Saturday night with a few of the boys in Chelmsford. Myself, Miz, Bill, Glen, Nick and Dan drove down to Basildon to check out my mate Baxter's new gaff. He used to live in Watford but has just starting renting a place close to where he now works as an ambulance driver lol. It was the usual bollocks really, chatting utter shit and drinking ourselves into oblivion until a few of us randomly ended up back at this birds place with her and two of her mates. These girls had been out on a hen night with one of the girls being the hen and other two bridesmaids. Fucks knows how we ended up there tbh but Bill shagged the hen and i rumped one of the bridesmaids. Pure dirt really ain't it, fucking Essex birds, i can't believe that she was getting married in two weeks, that is fucking sick imo. Even Bill said to me the next morning he felt abit bad lol. Personally i would never cheat on a bird even if i was only with her for like a few weeks or days even, whats the point? To be walking up the aisle with some bloke just two weeks after shagging some stranger is just wrong. My bird was alright, although i deffo don't wanna see her ever again lol. She's almost as bad as the hen imo and if she was her mate she could have talked some sense into the bitch. I think she might have told me a few porky pies about her age actually because she said to me that she was 28 but she also later told my mate Miz she was 33, i can't believe i got bloofed ffs! Oh well, i'd rather get bloofed by some Essex bird than by my mate Simms on the poker tarbles i guess. Right, i suppose i better write some stuff about poker now. Last week i didn't really play much tbh, i have been very lazy. Apart from filming and booking my cruise to the Caribbean next month :-) all i seem to have done is bust out of a few tourns here and there. I only put in one decentish session actually and failed to cash once. As a rough guessimate i think i managed to jizz off about 700 doll in tournay buyins which shows you just how little i have played. My plan is to put in a few hours this week starting tonight. I can't really expect to have as good a month as i did last month, no way. Its not that i made millions or anything in September its just the ratio of tournies played and small buyins at that compared to my monthly winnings was pretty sick imo. Ok, i think thats enough of writing this bullshit now, im not sure how this post is gonna be received by my new fans. Daily hits will probably drop to below 50 a day after this and that will just be me clicking on the refresh button, laters. T.V. 'Star' (Again)
When i switched my lappy on on Monday afternoon i was greeted somewhat surprisingly and may i add slightly worryingly by an email from some bird called Aisling who works for SkyPoker asking me if i wanted to do an interview about my blog and experiences in poker. I was like WTF, surely someone is having me on and trying to set me up or summat??? I mean who the fuck wants to listen to and chat to a little fish like me about my ghey bummer blog? So, i decided to investigate this further and logged onto the Blonde Forum to check if it wasn't a wind up. Sure enough there was a post on there from the same bird asking the B londe fishays about the best poker blogs on the net and some of them fish had suggested my blog, lmfao. Here is the email from Aisling...
Hi,
We’re doing an item on poker blogs – and according to the people in the know – yours is the poker blog to read!
Would you be interested in coming down to the studios and talking about it…? (Obviously we’re a “family” show so we can’t talk about the more risque elements to your blog – although they are bloody funny – but we’d love to chat to you about your poker experiences.
The recording date is this Wednesday (8th). I understand that you’re based in Watford – which is about 30 mins from the studio which is in Feltham – near Heathrow.
Look forward to hearing from you
Aisling
So, i got in contact with this Aisling bird and after chatting to her and giving it a few minutes thought i was like yeah fuck it, why not??? I arrived at the studios at about 1.30 ish today and was immediately whisked off to the make up room to get my nose powdered which i obv quite enjoyed. I'm not that much of an ugly bastard btw, its just standard procedure for us tv celebritays to wear make up what with the glare from all the camera's and studio lights etc. Once i had my face on i was escorted by the lovely Aisling ( wp btw Rookie, she's quite hot) to the studio where i met the two geezers who were interviewing me, Dan Lobb and Matt Broughton. These pair of fish were quite funny and abit of a comedy duo and it was more like a general chat about my blog and poker exploits, nothing serious. I don't think i came across as too much of a tool, i just hope my chubby chops will fit into people's television screens at home, they do say the camera adds at least 10 pounds anyway :-) I was asked questions like how did i start blogging, what do i write about lol, what other blogs do i read, aswell as other general stuff like the stakes i play, what got me into poker etc. Like i said hopefully i don't look and sound too much of a mug, although Dan Lobb stumped me on one question and i did stutter abit like a complete plum, i'll guess i will have to let you bastards decide. The interviews (i done two btw) will prob be shown on SkyPoker at 8.30ish on The Club on either Monday and/or Wednesday channel 865 or alternatively i think you can watch it online with about a 5 second delay here. Right im off, i gotta go sign some autographs, laters fish. Caribbean Poker Classic Cruise
Last week full time poker fish, fellow blogger and general all round piss artist Animal invited me to join him as his guest on a $10k package trip he won online to the Caribbean Poker Classic Cruise next month and after realising what the piss head was actually on about a few days later i was like yeah fuck it, why not? weeeeeeeeeeeeeee. The one and only time i met that fish Animal was about 4 yrs ago in Cardiff when i made my television debut and 'starred' on a programme called Late Night Poker Ace which was later aired on Ch4. Since then we have kinda stayed in contact through our blogs and via msn although i ain't met the fish once since Cardiff lol. Im sure we will get on fine though as long as he don't get too lashed and try to rump me on the cruise. Cheers for the invite mate, i can't fucking wait! All i have to do is sort myself out a flight to Miami where i am gonna meet Animal at The Hilton after he gets back from a holiday in Vegas, alright for some innit. All the accommodation and munch is paid for as part of the package, here's a brief itinerary of the trip, check it. Im prob gonna play two or three of the tourns which is obv a big deal for a little mincey fish like me so i might look for some small stakeage deals hopefully from some peeps on either the RTR or Blonde forums. Gonna be visiting some lush places on the trip and the cruise ship looks the bollocks! It should all be confirmed tomorrow but Animal don't reckon there will be any problems, happy days!! On the online front October has started pretty well although today was a complete fucking write off.... On Friday i weren't really in the mood to play tbh and i didnt plan on regging for many tourns. I only invested about $250 in a few MTT's but ended the night with a $2.3k profit!! I got a 2/257 in a $33 for $1,257 on Party, a 3/308 in a $33 on Cardoza for $877 and also won a $26 45 manner on ftp for $410. The sick thing is i was actually disappointed at the end of the night because i made a bad call HU when all i could beat was air but i called with three queens and oppo had a str8 although i 'knew' i was beat. Here is the HH, fucking dickhead Jones! I also massively overplayed a shitty ace when we were three handed in the Cardoza game against the tightest fish on the tarble which prob cost me the win aswell, grrrr. I should have ended the night with a $5k profit although i guess i can't really complain with a 'measly' $2.3k :-) I didn't play on Sat and tonight i ran like utter shizz although again i ain't really complaining, as i was due a bad night and i expect many more, its inevitable. However, again i made one really shit play with this time with AA when i was CL with 16 left in a $109 mtt that really fucked me off. One limper, i obv raise and some other fish flats behind me, three to a flop of Q109 2 clubs. Fucking abs tez flop but first fish checks i bet and the other fish min raises. I tanked to the very last second then made the crazay decision to blast and got snapped by QQQ, such a shit play but i couldn't call or rraise and then fold. I was hoping for some sort of pair and a draw type hand like KQ or QJ as the donks usually love to flat with shit like that. However, i should have given the oppo more respect and if thats the hand im hoping for at best then im still only a coinflip. I obv didnt spike and bullet (i run sooo bad) and was quickly down to about 11 bb's. Very next hand i blast the button with AJ and the sb who has about 100 more chips than me snaps with A9, wtf? The fucking neuf pops and im gone, from CL to fucking busto in two fucking hands. Even though im aware that things can quickly change in poker its a good reminder of how volatile the game can be as i thought i was cruising to the final tarb. I don't mind the bad beats, actually thats a lie of course they piss me off esp the ones where the fish play soo awful and get rewarded but i get waaay more fucked off when i play bad and make poor decisions and the AA hand was a deffo fold on that flop, no point risking it imo, doh. The rest of the night was a compete nightmare with AA getting cracked aipf three times aswell as loads of other prem hands getting shafted when i had the best of it. My only cash for the night was in the trusty $5r and i werent even taking that seriously. Oh, and i also tid the bloggerment game 1/15 for $37.50, shiiiiiip. Oh well nevermind, ill save the rest of my luckboxing skillz for the CPC where i plan on busting Animal in at least one of the tourns after his generous invitation, laters. Ghey Monthly Review Post
I don't usually write these because i think they are abit shit to read but im gonna write my very own special monthly review post that sooo many other and may i add more inferior blogs seem to produce....
Well fans where do i start??? September has been fucking fantastico!! My first month as a 'full time' donkament fish has exceeded all my expectatays. I managed to win $12,750 spondoolays in total which is my most profitable month to date!!! I feel like i have got the hang of these MTT's now, it ain't pretty poker but its effective and seems to make me more dosh than in my cash games days plus you get more of a buzz when you get deep in a game. I made 20 final tarbles in Sept and managed to win ten of those games aswell as three 2nds which is very good goin imo. My best results were... 1/531, $5r, $2,400 - 1/150, $30, $1,237 - 2/239, $20r, $2,452 - 1/500, $5r, $2,500 - 1/196, $30, $1,617. Happy days.
Yesterday made me laugh, i was pissing about googling some good mtt fish and randomly came across one of my old blog post from over a year ago, check it. Click on the Scotch link aswell, you remember that boys, tunage! After reading that post i started looking over at some of my old material and there are some classic posts in there, they amuse me anyways lol. I've actually been writing this shit since Feb 2006, im so sad.
I started off the new month today by playing in a total of 16 tourns spread across Party and Cardoza costing me a total of $500. It was a night of frustration tbh with a few deep runs but no decent result. I came 13/228 and 9/249 in two $30 games when $1.8k and $2kftw were up for grabs. Its sooo unrewarding playing in these donkaments sometimes thats why volume is very important. I also got another mini cash in another $30 aswell as a 4/90 in an $11r and ended the night with a $50 profit, shiiiiip lol.
Im having loadsa troubles with my wireless internet connection atm, its a fucking nightmare esp when i have like 6 mtt's running and i need a piss or even worse a dump. Im not one of those fish who can just sit of the bog for like 30 seconds and have a quick dump either, I like to relax and enjoy my shit. I used to take my lappy with me to the throne but now i have to sprint to the shitter do my bizness and hurry back. Its hopeless leaving my housemate Scotch in charge because he proper sucks cock when it comes to poker. Its a nightmare when i get hungrey aswell i just end up staving myself. Another problem is obv when im pimpbusing i cant take my lappy into my room and have a quick knuck. Instead i have to have a danger bash in the front room with the risk that Scotch could pop his little head round the door at any minute. I can't think of anything worse than being of the brink of shooting my load and seeing his ginger mug glaring at me, arrrrgh, i really must sort the wireless out. Fuck me sooo much for my monthly review post, i seem to have gone abit off topic. Oh well fuck it i've said everything that i wanted to i think, im off for another sneaky danger wank, laters. The Highs n Lows Of Poker
I played a whole bunch of games tonight and despite grinding my tits off things didnt go to well to begin with. I started the night with the Super Monday $162 buyin game on pp that some of the fish over on RTR had a piece of me in. The field was packed full of names i knew so i don't reckon its really worth playing in that much tbh, you might aswell spend $162 elsewhere. However, i played my little heart out but ended up fucking bubbling 21/139 with $5700 ftw, sooo sick. I lost one key pot with AQ v AJ where i had to settle for a split and that fucked me. I got too short, lost all my fold equity and ultimately shoved about 5bb's with the KJ demons and got called by Q10 in the blinds, 10 on the flop and see you later. Bit gutted about that as i wanted to make the RTR fish some monies. I also played in the $109 but busted just short of the dough in that aswell, 41/206. I was busting all over the shop including another near miss in a $55 game and a small cash in the $7r on ipoker until i finally found some form.... I ended up winning a $33 game on pp with 196 runners for $1,617 busting ganjasx HU who is currently no1 on the OPR pp rankings and then managed to follow that up with a 2nd in a small $11r 2/70 for $408 after two cruel suckouts HU. So, what started off as a painful night ended with about a $1.7k profit, sweeeeet. Poker is a rollaycoaster, you just gotta ride it babay! Hope you don't mind the tune, its my mates Simms all time fave, apparently he loves abit of Ronan lol. Profit for Sept is almost $13k, love it! Laters. Poker Burnout
I feel like utter shizz today so i've decided not to play at all as i know i would only play like a knob and jizz off a shit load of my monthly prof. Not in the right state of mind at all for some reason. I feel all crustay and 'orrible lol. I am also really tired and sleepay today and need to get my lazy ass back in the gym as i dont think i have been in almost 2 weeks. Overdosed on the MTT's abit recently playing alot of hrs for me but not playing enough tourns, only between 6 and 10 a night which ain't enough imo. Still looks like its gonna be my most profitable month to date thou, hopefully i can break the $12k barrier for profit in September in the next few days, laters feeesh im fooked. Amatay Stakeage
I am gonna be playing in a few higher buyin tourns at the end of a month but i am still too much of a fish to buyin direct so i have received some backing from some fine people off the RTR forum. I plan on playing in these six tournays over the next three days on PP....
28th Sunday $300k gtd - $215, $20k gtd - $109 29th Monday Super - $162, $20k gtd - $109 30th Tuesday Super - $162, $20k gtd - $109
The total amount is $866 and i have sold 49% of my ass to the following fishays, cheers :-)
5% snake, 5% Nick, 5% Ferret, 5% Barry, 5% Smooth, 2% Mike, 5% Mik, 5% Dave, 2% Tripz, 5% Doom, 2% Accorn, 5% LukyBugur, 2% Bully. Hopefully i can at least get them their money back. I have managed to win a few more bucks since my last post but nothing worth shouting about. On Thursaday i finished the day up $150 after a deepish run in the trusty $5r on pp, 41/603 aswell as winning one of those $24, 45 manner things on FTP for $410. I didnt play on Friday deciding instead to get balled bagged with the old skool poker crew.... HooopScoootch, lesboworm, JJayation the calling station and Rigormortsen. It werent a bad night tbh even thou i randomly ended up chewing the face off some bird i went out with about 5 yrs ago on the dancefloor for the entertainment and viewing 'pleasure' of the crew who were watching the maulage courtesy of a TV from the other side of the bar lol. I am feeling pretty rough today actually, i really can't handle my booze anymore, im such a larry. In my hungover state i played a few more donkaments tonight and had some frustrating near misses boosting 6/90 in an $11r on pp for $156 and then boosting another 6/312 in a $7r on ipoker for a poxy $240, ($1560 ftw). Profit for Sept is now $11,300 :-) laters. I Run Gooooood!
I managed to win the $5r on PP again on Tuesday night for the second time this month for $2.5k, shiiiip shiiiip shiiiiiiipaydeeediiiip! To win it twice within two weeks is pretty sick as you have to dodge sooo many bullets from those Party donks. There were exactly 500 runners and with about 40 odd left and with me getting short i picked up the weapons of mooohooosive destruction back to back in the BB and SB, i run good. I won two huuuge pots with fish blasting all over the place with hands like 99 and AJ and then picked up the booolets for a third time a few minutes later and received some more donations. I also busted some poor fishay with pocket sevens into AA when a lovely little zieben popped on the flop, ahaha. After that it was pretty much plain sailing until i got 5 handed where believe it or not there was actually some post flop play. This was a key hand for me where i had to show the serial raiser at the tarble who the boss was. I tangled a few times with that fish actually and it was quite enjoyable playing against him as he weren't too bad a player, he eventually boosted in 4th i think. When i got down to HU it looked like i had fooked it up when my opponent got me down to about 10bb's and had about a 4:1 chip lead over me but i battled back like a true poker warrior to get my title back babay, i am the 5 doll reeebuy king! The same night i also won a little $15 PLO tourn on Cardoza and almost tid a $33 game on the same site for a further $2.3k when my AK lost a pot versus 1010 for a big CL just outside the final tarb in 15th.
Last night i was too tired to play tbh but still decided to jizz off $100 in a few small tourns. I played some really bad poker which pissed me off, shoving AJ with about 18bb's into AK with fuck all in the pot in a $25 game and then making this redic tez play... There were about 100 runners left in a $7r on Cardoza and i had about 40bb's which was a very healthy stack with blinds at 200 and 400. First place got $1.5k and i was top ten in chips. There where a couple of limpers and i just decided partly through laziness to just blast 40k with AsKs. The bb who had me covered snapped me off with pocket biatches and i was actually in good shape for a monumental CL but i failed to improve. I know its only a small amount of money but that aint the point it really bugged me how i showed a complete lack of respect for my opponents and for the value of money in that one single hand. In a way im glad it happened, esp in a low buyin tourn just to teach me a lesson, dont be a prick Jones! Profit for Sept $10.9k, brrraaaaappp! Blonde Bash 7
Went down to Luton G Casino this weekend for the Blonde Bash and had a good crack meeting quite a few fishays from the forum although it would have been much better if id have stayed over the night and not left early doors on the Saturday. Instead i drove there and back on both the Sat and the Sun which obv meant i couldnt have a drink, which i hate when you are in a lively place on a Sat night esp when you are meeting new people who are all ball bagged themselves. As a result i probably didnt get the full Blonde Bash experience and i was maybe a bit too quiet and thus perhaps didn't get to meet as many people as i should have (sry Alex), bit stupid really but it was still good....
I got there about 1.30ish on the Saturday and the first person i met was some geezer called The Crow Man lol. I had never even seen this bloke post on the forum before but he came up to whilst i was sat at the bar and the convo went something like this.... Crow Man: ahhh, a familiar face, hello. Amatay: errr alright mate, im Simon or Amatay. Crow Man: Hi, i suppose you can guess who i am?? Amatay: ??? Baffed look on my face Crow Man: Points to his bag in which there is a fluffy Crow's head popping out Amatay: ??? errr ??? Crow Man: Im the Crow man Amatay: Oh right, ahaha I was like fuck me, what have i let myself in for here!!! The Crow Man was abit of an eccentric character but a nice fellow, good to meet you Crow, you're a ledge! He made me laugh on the forum today actually when he said 'hi Simon hope you had a nice bash', i proper lol'd, first time someone has said that to me before! After my introduction to the blonde Bash and the Crow i had abit more surreal banter with both The Crow Man and his fluffy Crow before slipping off to the poker room to reg for the £30 double chance FO. The tournament was a fucking diaster for me and probably the worst i have ever played live tbh. I was sat at quite a lively tarble with a geezer called Cupcake who was cracking loadsa funnies, he was a pretty quick and witty bloke. Other people i knew from the forum at my tarb included BrummieBoy, Booder and AndrewT who got proper ripped in front of everyone by Tikay for wearing some redic tez shirt, it was a fucking shocker tbh. I picked up AA in my 2nd hand and took the blinds then picked up JJ in about my 5th hand and decided to jizz off my first 3k to Booder when it was soooo obv that i was crushed. Some fish limped utg, i made it 200 and Booder made in 900 on the button. In the early stages of a tourn when the blinds are sooo tiny it just screams of a monster but i decided to shove my poxy Jacks and pray for 10's or AK. Obv he had KK and flipped another king and i quickly got my 2nd 3k stack, wp Amatay you plum! I shizzed off loads more chips once to BrummieBoy with pock ziebs and then to CupCake who was imposs to read as he was just playing proper loosay goosay and i decided to pick a bad spot to bloof off about 1.3k. I eventually boosted about 6 bb's with K10 to Q8 and i was one of the first out. Although it was only a bit of fun i really wanted to stick around until the last 50 at least because i didnt know anyone and whilst everyone was still in the t | 
